Pathological
Witholding :
Money Intimacy Sex
Once a very thoughtful attorney patient of mine said to
me” my marriage died because she was so insanely cheap.” Once also I heard a
guilt ridden soul upon an extramarital
affair say,” he was so rejecting I fell in love with my neighbor”.
The
propensity to withhold from others, to irrationally hold onto personal
possessions – money, affection, intimacy, sex – at the expense of close
relationships is a common psychological deficit . Interestingly it is not
directly connected to a well-established psychiatric disorder.
Commonly
these traits may be labeled reserved, private, frugal or stingy and often
viewed as idiosyncratic personality traits.
Often the
partner of someone with this condition may respond negatively to the deficit.
And often the issue may be viewed as a relationship conflict and may contribute
to worsening relationships. Sometimes it would be wrongly blamed on the
possibly hostile and negative emotional responses of the victimized partner.
There is
good news and bad news. In general personality traits do not change or respond
to psychotherapy.
The good news is if it is recognized as a
handicap of one partner rather than a couples issue more intelligent solutions can
be found.
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